Hello there, I’m back! It’s been a long time since I published my last article and honestly, this break was much needed. I wasn’t feeling very well since…well, honestly since last September, but this March it was just too much for me to handle and I didn’t want to spread any negativity on this platform, so I decided to step out instead and take a little break. Simultaneously I’ve also stopped with everything else, I used to enjoy taking photos a lot, I used to love running and going to gym a lot, I used to love baking and trying out new things and most importantly, I used to love learning new languages and writing on my blog. However, those months were tough and in March, when I just couldn’t handle it anymore, I disconnected from everything and I was just simply reflecting upon myself the entire time. I was feeling really sad when I was reading all the notifications that I’ve been receiving the entire time from either here of the Instagram account, but I just wasn’t able to do anything about it. April and May were really bad, I used to feel down 24/7 and even cry a lot, but then at the end of May I saw this RyanAir ad offering cheap flight tickets from Bratislava to Eindhoven. Do you think I was hesitating? Well, if you do, you’re wrong. I bought myself one-way ticket and flew away on June 10th. First days were great even though there’s not much to explore for me anymore since Netherlands is like my second home and I’ve been literally everywhere, but still, it was a change of environment and it was very good for me. After like a week I felt so relieved, I finally didn’t feel down and depressed and you know, all that stuff. But after a month and a half I started missing my home. I felt terrible again, even more than ever before and I just had this urge to go home for at least a day to see all people I love again. I was lucky enough to find a moderately cheap flight ticket from Rotterdam to Vienna, so on July 26th I was headed back home. And at home…well, things weren’t great and most of the time I had nothing to do since I didn’t have a summer job and I felt too down to learn something, so most of the summer I spent at home, either reading or watching Netflix. In the meantime I found a couple of friends who really helped me sort some things out and I was gradually starting to feel better, but there was still something that was scaring the sh*t out of me. If you’re my faithful reader, you definitely recall my intentions to move abroad after high school and start a completely new life somewhere over there. I chose an economics path and I wanted to finish a good uni, ideally University of Amsterdam in the Netherlands. However, while living in the Netherlands alone for a month and a half I realized, that it’s not what I want. I always thought it’s easy to cut everything off and forget about everything, but it’s not like that, or at least I am not a kind of person able to do so. But at the same time I didn’t want to disappoint my family who believed in me, so the result was that by the end of month of August, I had terrible anxiety and I was feeling worse than ever before. In the meantime I spent some time with my friends and it was amazing, but it was always only a small distraction from how I was feeling. Then the senior year began. I chose mathematics and economics and I was really trying to meet expectations of my parents, however, I failed. After a week of not getting enough sleep because of constant counting, I was desperate. I didn’t have any side plans, I didn’t know what to do, I was attending classes unprepared because I just didn’t have force to do anything. That’s when a great friend of mine stepped in and out of nowhere came with a link to one website and a question, whether I wouldn’t like that. It was a link to the website of MUni, a renowned university in Brno, Czech Republic. And the subject of the studies…..I fell in love with that. I’ve always loved studying languages and literature before this phase of my life, and this was like made for me. The next day I changed my subjects and since then I’m getting better.
That was three weeks ago. Since then I’ve been reading countless books regarding history and literature, I started taking swimming courses, I went on a trip, I got a kitty and I purchased a new notebook. And most importantly…my love for life is back! After these six months I definitely see myself changed, but now I’m really feeling well again and I’m really happy about it. I even began learning with German language on my own! I just feel like life is good again and that’s the reason why I appeared here, on your news feed today, after more than six months of silence. There are some thing in my life which I’m not that content about, but I’m working on it and let’s hope that everything will turn out good in the next months. At the moment I’m in my senior year of high school studying history and philosophy and in addition to it I’m also reading some books that are compulsory for my uni admission exams, but I’ll try to be as active as I can here anyway. There are many things you’ve missed, but I’ll try to make it up to you. Starting off with…uhm, renewing my blog license? Anway, one of the first topics I really want to get deep into is learning German, so in the next days…expect the first real article I guess?
Thanks for reading, I really appreciate how so many of you messaged me while I was gone. I would never think that someone who I’ve never even met would care about me.
Thank you so much, have a great day!
One thought on “I’m back! An explanation.”
Great news! I’ve always found that depression is not an illness but a health tool, urging you to have a look at how you can go about things better for your wellbeing. Don’t do too much too soon, though. Very best wishes.
LikeLiked by 1 person